How to Cope with Infidelity in Your Marriage? Couples Counseling in Portland, Oregon

Infidelity in a marriage can be a devastating and heartbreaking experience. Unfortunately, it is a reality for many couples – some marriages will never recover from an affair’s impact. But it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. With help, counseling, and commitment to rebuilding trust, your marriage has the potential to survive infidelity and come out stronger on the other side.

At Kind Therapy Group, our team of qualified professionals understands this situation’s difficulty and strives to offer comprehensive services designed to help you rebuild emotional intimacy. Let’s dive in to learn more.

Defining infidelity

Infidelity is a gut-wrenching experience that has the power to destroy relationships and cause immense emotional pain. Depending on the partners’ expectations, infidelity can range from an emotional betrayal to a sexual indiscretion. Even if it’s kept private, any violation of trust undermines the foundation of any union—causing feelings of anger, desperation, low self-esteem, and even post-traumatic stress.

Conventional wisdom suggests that men are more likely to commit acts of infidelity than women. Both genders can experience stigma and shame if their unfaithfulness becomes public. No matter who is involved in an episode of infidelity or what form it takes, it’s an incredibly destructive and traumatic life event.

Recognizing the signs of infidelity in a relationship

Infidelity in a relationship can have serious consequences, both psychologically and emotionally. It is important to recognize potential signs of infidelity so that couples can address any issues if they arise.

One telltale sign of infidelity is when a partner shows more interest in their physical appearance.

If your partner suddenly starts dressing nicely or working out more, it may indicate that they are trying to attract someone else. If your partner has been paying extra attention to their grooming habits, such as showering more often than usual, this could also be a sign of infidelity.

Another key indicator of potential infidelity is the changes in communication patterns. If your partner suddenly starts to become more secretive or distant, this could be a sign that they are not being honest with you about something. If your partner is making phone calls or spending time texting someone and then quickly deleting the messages, this could also point toward infidelity.

Why do affairs happen?

• Lack of communication and intimacy in the relationship.
• Disconnection or lack of attention from one’s partner.
• Unmet emotional needs.
• Boredom in the relationship.
• Increased stress levels related to work or other life issues.
• An individual’s desire for an escape from their daily activities and responsibilities.
• A need for variety, excitement, and adventure.
• Low self-esteem and a need for validation outside of the primary relationship.
• Feeling unappreciated or taken for granted by one’s partner.
• Seeking emotional support from someone outside the primary relationship willing to provide. understanding, attention, and compassion without judgment or expectations.

What are the stages of grief that you go through?

It is important to understand the stages of grief that one goes through when faced with infidelity in their marriage. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

• Denial is the first stage of grief, and it is natural to initially reject the possibility of infidelity. Thoughts of disbelief and shock often cloud our judgment, and we tend to push the issue aside, hoping it will disappear.
• Anger is the second stage and is a natural response to feelings of betrayal. Explosive outbursts, blame games, and lashing out are common behaviors during this stage. It is essential to acknowledge these emotions and allow yourself the time to experience them so that you can begin to heal.
• Bargaining is the third stage, where many question what they could have done differently. They may justify their partner’s infidelity by blaming themselves or offering compromises. However, it’s important to realize that infidelity is a choice made by the other person, and one’s actions or behavior is not the sole reason behind it.
• Depression is the fourth stage; during this, one may feel helpless and alone. It’s natural to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself and that all the pieces will never fit back together. At this stage, seeking professional help or counseling can help cope with the sadness and pain.
• Acceptance is the fifth stage, the final step in the grieving process. One understands that what has happened has occurred and cannot be changed. This stage brings peace and understanding that the betrayed spouse can learn from the experience and move forward.

It’s important to remember that these stages of grief do not necessarily occur in a certain order or timeline, and one’s experience may vary. Nevertheless, understanding these stages of grief can help one navigate through this painful experience with a better perspective and a higher chance of healing.

12 ways to cope with infidelity in your marriage

Infidelity in a marriage can cause tremendous pain, confusion, and heartache. However, it’s not the end of the world. If you’ve been cheated on, it does not have to define your life or doom your marriage to failure. Here are five ways to cope with infidelity and move forward:

Embrace your emotions

Experiencing hurt, anger, and betrayal after infidelity is normal. Rather than trying to suppress these emotions, you must embrace them and respect the range of feelings coming up for you.

Make sure to prioritize self-care and practice healthy ways of expressing your emotions, such as journaling or talking to a licensed therapist or friend.

Doing so will help you process what has happened and come out of it feeling strong and empowered. For example, a person chose to begin seeing a couples counselor from Kind Therapy Group.

This helped him work through his emotions and also enabled him to create meaningful solutions in the aftermath of his experience with infidelity.

Communicate

Effective communication is essential for mending relationships broken apart by cheating. As a first step, it is crucial to be open and honest with your partner by expressing how their behavior has affected you and what they can do to repair the marriage.

Maintaining an understanding and a non-accusatory tone that focuses on resolving the situation rather than blaming or attacking them is also important.

For example, you could express how betrayed and hurt you feel rather than accusing them of betrayal. Ultimately, working together to rebuild trust through dialogue rooted in the trust will provide a strong foundation for any relationship in the future.

Set boundaries

Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a difficult endeavor. It is important to set boundaries to ensure that the process of rebuilding trust is successful. Boundaries are necessary to help protect you and your marriage during such a vulnerable and painful period.

It could incorporate agreeing to no contact with the third party outside of the marriage, seeking personal and conjoint therapy, or attending counseling sessions together. Establishing boundaries is important in recovering from an affair and creating a healthy union.

Take care of yourself

Taking care of yourself should always be your priority, especially when faced with a situation such as infidelity. Stress can easily take hold, and it is important to ensure you are engaging in activities to reduce this stress.

Examples of these activities might include going for a run or walk, engaging in meditation, or simply ensuring you get enough sleep and nutrition. Being mindful of small acts of self-care like these can help relieve some of the tension you may feel during this time and put you back on the path to emotional well-being.

Do not seek revenge

Betrayal by a partner can induce strong emotions of anger and rage. Although it may seem tempting to retaliate with revenge tactics such as trash-talking your partner or seeking retaliation through an affair, avoiding these behaviors is best.

They often cause more harm than good and keep you in a state of anger rather than allowing you to focus on healing and moving forward.

It is important to be cautious around family and friends when dealing with feelings related to betrayal. While their opinions can be well-meaning, nobody else can fully understand what happens in another person’s marriage, so keeping the details private may be best.

Refrain from blaming others

Playing the blame game in any situation is nothing more than an exercise in futility. Pointing the finger at yourself, your partner, or even a third party involved won’t change the facts.

If you feel like a victim of the circumstances, it’s key not to focus on that. Allowing negative feelings to take over can cause a sense of helplessness, affecting your overall well-being.

A more beneficial approach is taking responsibility and demonstrating self-resilience by looking for solutions instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Doing so helps you regain control and enables you to move forward in healthy ways.

For example, if there was a disagreement between you and your partner, focus on finding common ground instead of faulting either of you. It can help get through any challenging situation faster and easier, where all parties can benefit from the outcome.

Seek counseling

Seeking couples counseling can be a great step in dealing with feelings of hurt and betrayal from unfaithfulness. Consulting a professional couple’s therapist creates a safe and neutral platform to verbalize your emotions, questions, and thoughts with your partner without becoming overwhelmed or escalating the situation.

An experienced therapist can assist in developing better communication techniques and help you process feelings such as guilt, shame, or any other negative episode attributed to the issue. If, after discussing the issue with a counselor, it is still determined that things may not work out.

Having gone through therapy will ensure that you have exhausted all options before deciding the future of the marriage.

At Kind Therapy Group, we understand how integral counseling can be to navigating issues such as infidelity within marital relationships. Therefore, we are adequately equipped to provide ideal resources for couples needing support.

Shield your children from involvement

Engaging in lengthy conversations about the reasons for the end of a marriage in front of children is never appropriate. Allowing kids to become emotionally involved can damage their sense of security and harm their relationships with both parents.

It is important to keep children out of adult marital disputes and avoid discussing such matters in detail. This puts an immense strain on them and may cause irreversible damage to their emotional well-being. Clear boundaries and honest conversations with age-appropriate children will help your kids navigate the situation while maintaining a relationship with both parents.

Invest your energy into physical activity for a healthier lifestyle

Exercise can be a great way to release tension and build strength, give purpose, and restore balance in life. When going through infidelity in marriage, finding the motivation and energy to take care of your physical body can be hard.

However, by engaging in exercise regularly, you will benefit not only physically but emotionally too. Physically exercise releases endorphins that give a sense of well-being and optimism – both very useful components when dealing with conflict or pain.

Emotionally speaking, investing time and energy into something positive like your health or physical activity boosts your self-esteem and helps rid yourself of negative feelings associated with infidelity.

Furthermore, you build connections with people who support you and inspire you during this period of hardship.

Take an adventure to an unfamiliar destination and explore something completely new

When dealing with the aftermath of infidelity in your marriage, it can quickly become emotionally exhausting to be in a place that reminds you of it. Consider going somewhere completely unfamiliar so that your mind can experience something new.

This could be as simple as trying out a local coffee shop you have never visited or taking a road trip to explore somewhere entirely new. Taking a break from familiar surroundings can help distract our minds and lift our spirits, even temporarily.

Transform your anger into understanding

When dealing with an unfaithful partner’s fallout, it’s easy to default to anger. But this can only take you so far in repairing your relationship and healing from the hurt and betrayal.

To truly recover from what has happened, replacing your anger with understanding is important. This means acknowledging the role that each of you has played in the situation and taking responsibility for it.

Moving forward will require both of you to lay out a plan to address each other’s grievances, recognize which behaviors need to change, and commit to doing better in the future. Only then can you start rebuilding trust and getting back on track toward a thriving marriage again.

Celebrate the blessings you are fortunate to have

Focusing on the positives in your marriage can go a long way toward helping a person cope with infidelity. When you take the time to recognize and be grateful for all the moments shared, both large and small, you can bring back feelings of closeness.

Acknowledging these memories may also help develop a sense of resilience as you endeavor to traverse the uncertain terrain infidelity has brought into your relationship. Gratitude will help restore hope as you move forward in this difficult journey.

Mending a marriage

Mending a marriage is no walk in the park. Recovering from an affair is tough, but it’s not impossible. It’s crucial you understand that this process won’t be a smooth ride.

These challenges may come with mixed feelings and uncertainty. However, as spouses rebuild trust, take responsibility for their actions, resolve conflicts, and forgive, the process may deepen and strengthen love and affection.

One of the most important things to consider during this time is not making any rushed decisions. It’s essential to take the time to heal and understand what was behind the affair before deciding whether to continue or end the marriage.

If you were the one who cheated, it’s vital to be accountable for your actions. The first step is to end the affair and stop all contact with the person with whom you had an affair. If the affair involved a co-worker, limit contact to business only. However, if this isn’t possible, it may be worth considering getting another job to avoid further complications or temptation.

What’s next?

Ultimately, when it comes to coping with infidelity in marriage, or any relationship for that matter, it’s important to ensure that you take care of yourself. It takes a lot of strength and courage to face the truth about infidelity, but seeking help is often the best way forward.

This specialized service can help identify the underlying issues causing an affair while developing strong methods of communication between both parties.

With the right knowledge, guidance, and support from professionals at Kind Therapy Group, married couples affected by infidelity can work together toward rebuilding trust and repairing their relationships step-by-step.